New Day

Well now it's saturday, and I just woke up and am still in my pajamas. I thought I'd tell you in a little more detail why I'm writing this blog. As stated previously, this is going to serve as a stress reliever, but there was a lot that happened this week to preface this decision.

For the most part, I'm just like every other college kid in this world. I go to class, do my homework, and when I'm not doing those, I'm up at the tv station working on Video Game Hour Live. Through just about all of that, I spend my time with my boyfriend Matt. But unfortunately, I'm not like everyone else because something's wrong. No one's ever really figured out what, but I've been told it's probably bi polar disorder or at the very least depression. I have horrible self esteem, my mind blows small things up into huge ordeals, and it takes work on my part just to have a good day. Needless to say, relationships with friends and family have always been hard for me. Enter Matt. I found someone who loves me for me, flaws and all. All he ever does is care for me, yet sometimes it's hard for me to see that. I forget sometimes how much he loves me and how much I love him. This has inevitably led to a bit of a rough patch for us, and we're doing everything we can to get out of it. He went home this weekend to clear his head, and I'm here catching up on school work. Thursday I went to see one of the school therapists, the one I saw last semester because I was getting stressed out then as well. He told me that maybe it isn't the fact that I have an overly stressful life, I get stressed because I have nothing in my life to take away stress. I never do anything to just relax. He suggested getting a hobby. And maybe also I treat Matt the way I do sometimes is because he's the closest to me, so he's the one getting all of the damage. I will be constantly working on treating Matt better because he deserves better. And as far as the hobby goes, I'm still thinking on that one. Maybe scrap booking? I've always wanted to make one, and I guess I have a reason now. I also am starting the search for an actual therapist. My life has gotten to the point where I need to fix myself. I need to get help. Wish me luck.

"Then you better start swimmin' or sink like a stone, for the times they are a-changin'"

The Times They Are A-changin', Bob Dylan